silence can be hard like cement
but even as steel as it is.....it is the very essence of a still glass.
that can be broken with one word, fragile but too intimidating to knock down... its holding you back.
from all the words you wish you could say, all the things from the past to future thoughts you cannot convey.

your just afraid girl....
we're just afraid of the wrong things ...we might say.

so we go on in silence.

silence is a funny thing..
There is 3 types that every relationship goes through...
not very much in sequence but they go through it. We go through it.

I mean like.... there's the silence that is at ease, where your not pulling your hair out to think of something to say, it's normal, it's simple, it's real. When you and another being have found peace with eachothers thoughts, that they can now roam elsewhere.. while you sit in silence, just soaking up the company of one another, with a smile. its the comfortable silence.

Secondly the silence that keeps us up late at night... thinking..."I should have said that".This is the silence where your mind is a carnival, too much is going on in your thoughts.It's a jumble of all the things you want to say, all the things you want them to ask, the secrets you want to leave in their hands, all the things you just wish you could make them know without hurting, everything in the world you want to speak, you want to shout.. but you can't find your lips, you can't find your voice, you've forgotten how to communicate, when really.... you just don't know where to begin.

Lastly, there's the silence that takes a second to confirm, this. is where your at, forever
Nothing more, nothing less.This is where you don't really know what stage your at, your just there.This is the silence in which you'd catch a glimpse, of the face you once wanted so badly to feel, to know, to love.This is the silence in one breathe you stare.. into he's eyes, trying to feel something as you watch all the hopes you had stored up for the us, here you see slowly all the dreams demolish, like an old building, one at a time.. lost in the collaspe, this is where you cross your fingers hoping they'd comeback again... hoping the silence will soon end.
quiet, everything is quiet and In their eyes just for a moment you'd stop the world..... searching for the one thing that's never going to happen.

then they catch your sight and with a blank expession he looks away, not feeling anything or noticing... that he just broke the last string.This is the silence you usually find yourself lowering your lashes, hiding the dissapointment you close your eyes letting the lashes soak up the unwelcomed tears, there's no goodbyes. It's the silence where everything you ever wanted to say.. you can't say no more. not even a hello... cause sadly now
"everything" don't even apply to you, him to her.

so I bite my tongue.
cause there's really nothing, anymore.

I let the cement wall be, let the glass wait ...untouchable,
all in silence as I go... leaving the story of us behind.

little did I know ...I was just afraid, like you.

What stage are we now?

1 comment:

  1. and I was at that last stage of silence for so long, so I took pen to paper, and the silence was broken, but only for shouts and anger and spiteful comments and then silence again. So I took up the courage and broke it again, only to say I'm sorry.
    but not for what I said.
    just sorry.

    I wish we could sit together in silence again.