I remember the unrevealed existence, which separated us like a wall.
I remember those hard eyes; you placed so delicately to my sensitive skin.
I remember how my eyelashes teased and sheltered my coffee brown eyes.
I remember your smile, (who would forgot?) as you directed, as you took charge into my life.
I knew I was about to witness a collision. I knew from the start. But nothing, no words could stop me from being the damsel in distress.
The wall slowly faded, like the old brick house down the street.
As one inhale, one exhale, one thought, one word opened my damned lips.
And that’s how I let it all slip.
"Hey" so common.... so casual.... so harmless.
Even now as I close my eyes, as I breathe the memories in, I can feel it coming alive again, the word swimming in my mouth. Oh how I parted my lips, as the word climbed under my bleached white teeth, and to the world it laid itself about. Pushing off my encouraging mouth, taking a leap into the oxygen air, it flowed fearlessly.
From then on, the words carried on throughout the future, dancing, swimming, jumping, to your ears. We showed them meaning, we showed them definition, we showed them life. and each day more words spoken through sound and text disguised the lost souls once known as unknowns.
The Wall of words.
The paradise we made from the one hello could make me cry.
Do you ever think of all the words that accompanied you through out a relationship with another being? all those words, so original, so infinite they stood, and still stand between two worlds ,connecting them?
oh how I wish I bite my tongue, how I killed
the swim. i wish i swallowed.
yeah it might have hurt, it might have strip my throat red, as the word dragged further down.
i know it would have put up a fight, unto the dark and twisted human parts of mine.
I wish i passed on by.
a battle of "would you do it all over again, if you had known."
I remember how the months passed, how you stabbed me
no, it wasn't because you were falling, or lost your balance with a knife in your hands.
it was meant, and don't you dare say it was an accident.
don't you dare say another word.
The feeling is familiar, the wall of silence that now holds our world, our words, our history stands tall.
The paradise remains.. now a dusty ruin of happier times.
A pile of words that I thought could keep us together, aren't being collected anymore.
I leave the key in our secret place, wondering if your ever coming back ..
and I think of all the words you would say to me.
Would you say sorry.. would you feel the empty silence crushing down on you.
would you feel at all?
"I'm sorry, I messed up, i want you. i want you and i will spend forever trying to make your forgiveness worthwhile"
or would you
come back, just for your knife?
remembering the once beautiful boy who sent words screaming out of my heart. i consider it all again just to see him so innocent, so happy to be in my presence, so happy to talk to me.
Laying in my bed broken, "the collision has left permanent damage," the doctor says.
"you will be able to walk, within time you will heal, but your scars sadly won't."
The Price I Pay for the damsel, for the hello I played.
I didn't know i was the collision...
"would you do it all over again, if you had known."
We haven't talked in forever..I gave you the last words, I gave you a chance so you could say them to my face. I threw more to you but you pushed me away.
laying in my paradise, in my meaningless hope I cry and cry and breath currents, with the words swimming in my mouth. The words I'll never get to say to you, i swallow ......in pain.
I would do it
if i could come back
to this moment
right now...... where i feel the silence could break my bones ..
to this moment
where i know well never speak with passion again
to this moment
knowing we are done.
The moment where the question arises through my terrified heart, through my twisted inner being to my pumping veins,
taking on the living dead soul i bring about out into the dark night, i lay still on my bed
1:30, 2:30. 3:30...to the moment where the nights never end.
the question that now i hold in my mind with tears steaming down my delicate cheeks
to this moment where i would choose again.